In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
