I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
