Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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