What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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