Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
