So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
