dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
