I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
