My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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