I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
