You surviving the open bar?
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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