You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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