A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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