the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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