ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it hurts more in the daytime
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Randomize
