it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
