If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
