You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
