Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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