Welp...herpes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
