Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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