dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ttyl tear gas
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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