guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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