I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
