great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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