I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
