pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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