Who did Billy Mays play for?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
