Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
