Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
