barbara walters just said penis...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
