oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
