mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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