STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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