You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
