You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
