Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
