as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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