I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
