Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
