Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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