My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
