did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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