how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
