i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
