We won't sleep together?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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