Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
