i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
