i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
