yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
